Sex On The First Date... Shocking!

Below is a letter written by a woman that receives my blog posts.  I was very touched and delighted with what she wrote, and asked her if I could post it on my blog.  She kindly agreed.  The reason I wanted to post it on my blog is because I feel there are a lot of other women "out there" that may have like and similar feelings, and aren't quite sure what to do about them.  What I particularly liked about what she wrote me is that she had certain belief systems, and she thought they were working for her.  After reading the posts on my blog, she decided to try being a little different and incorporate some new thoughts and ways of being into her life.   I will call her Ann, and I say a huge Thank You to her for sharing her thoughts with all of us.

Dear Berit,

I hope I may call you that, you do seem like a dear person.  I have been enjoying your blog with some interest and it has stirred up some feelings in me that I’ve taken a little time to explore. Please know for sure, my comments are not judgments of you, rather they are observations of differences in upbringing, experiences, and possibly comfort with our sexuality.

I read with some shock on my part, about your first date!  My last (first) date was in 1978, and I know I am so far out of the loop, I’m not even on the loom.  I came from the no sex until you are married club, so I didn’t have sex with my husband until after we were engaged.  After being together 35 years, I missed many things but sex wasn’t one of them. I wanted it to be different but it never lived up to the hype for me.  I am hopeful that it could be different, better, even enjoyable, at some time in my future.

I was still thinking about whether I would be comfortable with a kiss or hug on a first date, or even a first date, so I have to say my cheeks were red just reading about your experience. Once again, please know I am NOT  judging you, just imagining that I am tentatively dipping my toe in the thought of even dating, and then thinking that if that is the expected norm in 2018 I KNOW I’m not ready, willing or able to go there!  

And then I read on and saw how filled with life, joy, fun and gratitude you are, and I WANT to be that free, easy, fun loving, Outrageous Old Broad.  But I’m afraid I’m just a scared, uptight, untrusting, unhappy,  and perhaps a bit jealous, wannabe.

Then, I read your list of qualifications and was surprised by that too. A lot of your qualities (but not all) were physical.  I didn’t realize I could be that specific, but I guess some of those things I don’t really care about?  Thinking about that, I decided to make my own list of qualifications the man should have.

• Height - taller than me. Over 6 feet would be nice but not a deal breaker.
• Hair colour not important.  Hair would be good!
• Fit, yes. Healthy and takes good care of himself.
• Weight appropriate, yes.
• Kind, honest, caring, considerate.
• FAITHFUL, would be a must!
• Loves to laugh and is interesting. 
• Articulate, intelligent easy around people.
• I loved the one about loved his job… I hadn’t thought about that.
• Was happily married at one time.
• Divorced completely or widowed, and has taken a year or two to grieve.
• Wants to travel and do things.
• Has a Christian faith and attends church or would be willing to.
• Is financially independent. 
• Is a happy and grateful person.
• Wants to be in a committed relationship with the right person.
• Would be OK with taking the time to get to know someone, and be in a relationship before becoming intimate.
• Likes children and grandchildren and doesn’t have any living at home.
• Age 55-65

There.  My little toe has dipped in the (daring for me just thinking about) dating pool.  

Sooooo.  How can I be a bit different, a bit more daring??

One thing I have decided is, to say Yes more often, even when my first instinct is to say No.  I was invited to a party by a lady I just met at church.  My first thought was I don’t know anyone!  Then, I decided maybe I could go and I might even enjoy it a little.

Outrageous?  Not yet, and maybe not ever, but braver, happier, stronger, more adventurous… YES!!!

Well that’s my rambling.   I really look forward to your next blog entry.  You are such an inspiration to me.

Thank you for that!

My Reply to Ann:

I can’t thank you enough for writing me!  You are the kind of woman I want to reach out to, and I found your message to me very touching and also brilliant.

Reading through your letter to me I felt your trepidation about putting your toe in the water re dating, etc.  I also felt your interest, curiosity and desire to experience dating.  So, as far as I’m concerned, you’re more than half way there… to dating I mean.  The fun filled experience that will hopefully be "different, better, even enjoyable some time in my future" as you so aptly describe it, will be the second half of your journey, should you choose to do that!  😊

Many things in life require that we take baby steps.  Once we are comfortable with those, we graduate to walking upright, and then move on to gliding gracefully… that’s what I think many woman do!  I believe if a woman is “gliding gracefully” through life, then she has the time and energy to attract what interests her.  Doing so, she gets the most out of her life, and can possibly help other women to feel better about themselves.  So, they too, can glide gracefully through life.

I have a favour to ask of you, and I’m hoping it’s not too big an “Ask.”  I would like to post your letter to me on my blog, and include my message to you.  I really believe (quite strongly) that if other women hear from someone like yourself, they will find the courage to put themselves “out there” a bit.  They will take baby steps until they are comfortable, graduate to walking upright, and then “glide gracefully” the rest of the way!

I will not include your name, or any information that might provide a clue as to who you are… I promise.  The reason I want to post your letter on my blog is that I know other women will really benefit.  Therefore, if you agree, you would be doing a very good thing!

I believe, you and I can do some good (by posting your letter on my blog) for other women, and help them to be just a little outrageous, which will hopefully make them happier!  What do you say?

MANY Thanks for writing me!

Berit